March 31, 2013

A Personal Post *Update

This blog is my journaling's of being a gay Mormon. I have been so grateful for that, as it has allowed me to grow and explore who I am in a safe and guarded space. It has also allowed me to meet some good people in person and in the internet sphere who I feel are friends. But this blog seems to have also become a more personal diary of me. I want to share and talk about something in my life right now that has nothing to do with being gay, or being Mormon, or being a gay Mormon. It has to do with me.

Last year I was doing a regular check with a doctor for my last visit before I was to let my insurance lapse. See, I have never had health issues. I only go in because someone wants me to. The biggest health issue I had was an ingrown toe nail when I was in the 5th grade. My insurance was due to lap in a couple of months because I was turning 26, and my plan was to let my insurance lapse until I graduated college in a year and half and then get a full time job and get insurance. I had never needed it, so why pay for it.

During this very routine check in with the doctor, I was told I should go and see my PCP (Primary Care Physician) for a problematic area of skin. Fast forward two months and I underwent a surgery to remove this patch of skin and I found out I have pre-cancer. The surgery was hard to recover from due to its location and the healing process which was painful and uncomfortable. I was told because it was pre-cancerous I needed to get it checked every 3-6 months for the rest of my life to pre-empt any cancer developing. I decided I better keep my insurance current because of this.

A month after this surgery, and a couple weeks before my check in with my PCP, I found a lump on my testicle. My brother had testicular cancer 4-5 years ago and underwent chemo and came out very well. My family has no cancer in the history besides my brother and my maternal grandpa who died from cancer due to smoking. I had my appointment with my new doctor (under a new insurance company) in two weeks and thought I'll just wait to mention it to him when I go in.

My PCP felt this lump and ordered an ultrasound as a precaution, but said it was nothing to worry about. Shortly after this, the patch of skin with pre-cancer grew back and I was told by my other doctor that I need to have a repeat surgery to remove the patch of skin.

Fast forward to today. I am two weeks into my recover from surgery for testicular cancer. That lump I found was cancerous, and thanks to the experience of my brother having cancer I knew how to check and was able to catch mine early. I am awaiting results from a CT scan I got after surgery to determine if the cancer spread or if I need Chemo or any treatment to finish off the testicular cancer.

I am also currently prepping for my third surgery for the pre-cancer next week. I am not looking forward to this procedure because of the complete pain I went through the last time.

In the past 6 months I have seen 5 different doctors 9 times. Will have had 3 surgeries, and had over 10 blood draws or tests or scans. And to think I was going to let my insurance lapse!

I am grateful that I am relatively healthy and that I have insurance. I am blessed with a loving family and parents who worry, pray and care for me. I honored to have friends who support me and love me. I'm lucky to have a brother who has been such a wonderful resource and support for me while I go through exactly what he did. I'm lucky to have a brother and brother-in-law who are doctors and can explain complex terms and confusing explanations from my own doctors. I feel optimistic about my future even though I believe it holds chemo treatment and possible progression of my pre-cancer to cancer. I look forward to being a cancer survivor and possibly a two time cancer survivor. I am blessed.

*Update 3-31-13
CT scan came back as good. Looks like the cancer didn't spread anywhere so Chemo might be off the table of options. Going to see an oncologist to get a second opinion though.


  1. When we are young, we tend to have a sense of invincibility about us, like nothing bad could ever happen to us health-wise. Its especially true for men. We are great at denying. You are indeed blessed (and wise) to have caught these conditions early. I wish you only the best, and a full and complete remission!

  2. I am really sorry you have been dealing with cancer. I am so glad you thought to have yourself checked. Thank goodness for your insurance almost lapsing, but not.

    And, I completely agree with Neal: "I wish you only the best, and a full and complete remission!"

    You have been through a lot these past several months. Going through this cancer stuff would have been the perfect time to have had your man "man up" and be around for you. I am sorry he was not there to help you through this. I am sorry he broke your heart. And, again, I am really sorry you have been dealing with cancer.

    I am glad you have supportive friends and family who love you and who help lend a hand to smack cancer in the face. Yes, you will be cancer free, twice. Must be the "English" in you! :) (My way of saying that strength comes to those who have lived in Great Britain.)

  3. @ Neal - Its true. I thought I was blessed with being a healthy person. Little did I know what was in store. Thank you.

    @ Duck - Are you a resident of Oregon? Thank you for your kind words.

    It is something I think about, how this person who told me so many times and in so many ways he loved me, should be here when I need someone the most. My sister told me that she overheard my grandma say how sad she is for me that I don't have someone to support me in all Im going through. My mom said she would be there for me. Grandma said, thats sweet, but its not the same. How right she is. But alas I don't have him, or any other "him" here to suport me, and so this will be a self building experience. I sometimes want to get in touch with him and tell him what is happening, but then I remember there is no point to that. He made his choice, and I need to move on.

    I'm surprised you know so much about me and my past (ie Living in England for the mission). You are either a long time reader of my blog, or someone who might know me in real life?

  4. My thoughts are with you young man. Keep that chin up!

  5. Congratulations on catching it early! Condolences on having it in the first place, and also on the pre-cancerous spot. :/

  6. Scary! Glad you're doing well and admire your optimism. :)

  7. Trevor, my thoughts and prayers are with you, too. I am so happy that you were able to catch it early! Please keep us updated... there are many of us pulling for you!

  8. You have my thoughts and prayers. I am glad it was caught early. Best wishes.

  9. No, I do not live in Oregon. I did when I was a young child (while my father finished his Doctorate degree at the University of Oregon) but not currently. And, I am just a long-time reader of your blog- over two years now, I believe. :)

    I have been thinking about what you wrote, about thinking whether to tell your "man" about what you have been going through. I cannot help but feel he needs to know. I am not sure why I feel this strongly about it, but I do. I know how much you have loved him, and it seemed he felt the same for you. When love like that comes along, it needs to support and help the other. Maybe he was ill-prepared to do that? Maybe he is fighting with himself over having gone away? Maybe there are other reasons for what has happened between the two of you? Look at John G-W and his Goran. They split at the beginning of their relationship- but, Goran always knew that he and John needed to be together. During the time they were away from each other, subtle changes took place for John. When they saw each other again, almost a year later (if my memory serves me correctly), John knew he wanted to try with Goran. Goran was, of course,
    delighted as he ALWAYS felt John and he were meant for each other. They have celebrated over 20 years together, now. (I am sorry I do not know how to put the umlauts above Goran's name- sorry for the misspellings.) Perhaps there is a happy lesson to be learned from them?

    I am glad you are on the road to recovery. Continued best of everything to you. Happy night!

  10. @ Controller One - Thanks! Chin is up!

    @ Matt - Thank you :)

    @ Evan - Thank you Evan. I will keep you informed.

    @ Dean Scott - Thanks!

    @ Duck - Ok, just checking :) Thanks for being a loyal reader too! I appreciate your insight, but I think things between him and I are best left as they are. I have had some information brought to me by others about how he ended it with me and started with others and, lets just say I'm not going back there.

  11. Good for you for keeping yourself healthy where he is concerned. You know more about the situation than I could ever know- I was kind of going on my gut feelings. Maybe my gut just wanted it to work for you with him because I could tell how much he has meant to you. I have thought about the people who have meant that much to me and I probably just inserted what I would want to happen for me into your situation. I am glad you are being wise. :)

    Happy Friday night. And, happy freaking spring break that arrived today!! Yay!! :)

  12. @ Duck - YAY for spring break. I always appreciate thoughts and feelings, so thank you :)

  13. I am glad the CT scan looked good. And, I am glad you are getting a second opinion. Sending prayers, good thoughts, and energy your way. Happy Easter. ;)

  14. Wishing you a full and speedy recovery! So lucky that you caught it early!

  15. Sending you good thoughts--glad you were able to discover this and tackle it--here's to a great outlook!

  16. Trevor, You sound pretty positive through it thus far; which makes all the difference. May you still be doing well and things continually improving.



  17. @Duck - Thank you.

    @Evan - Thank you. It is early. I highly recommend self exams!

    @Miguel - I appreciate that. Thanks,

    @Chism - Positivity is the only drug to really carry you though. :) I am improving and will be sharing news soon. Thank you.