Tomorrow comes, and thank goodness. My break up hurt. If you don't normally read this blog, just read the past few posts and you'll see the malaise oozing. Well Tomorrow came and I'm better. I have learned some very important things from all of this. Let me go over what they were.
1- I was in love and I loved it.
I had my first love. My first connection beyond the surface. My first dropping of self built walls to my mind, heart and soul. I gave of myself completely, and it felt really good to let someone in. While it wasn't meant to be (for whatever reason) I have experienced love. To whatever degree of depth my love went (I suspect very shallow) I want more of it. I'm not letting getting hurt stop me from loving again. I know I can love and that is important for me and my progression of coming out to myself and to my future.
2- I'm ready.
I am ready to begin to settle down with someone. I wasn't so sure with my first boyfriend. I wasn't ready to devote my life and actions and choices to the opinion of another. This time was different. I have learned I am ready.
3- I came out again (sort of).
I told my parents I was in a relationship, and didn't let their disapproval stop me. I announced my relationship on Facebook and to all my family and friends. Now everyone knows I'm gay, and if they don't they probably are too dim to understand anyways. The world knows I am a gay Mormon.
4- I became more independent.
I stood my ground against the pleadings of my parents to forsake my relationship. I continued because it was what I wanted and what I felt was right. This is huge for me. I am one who is easily swayed by the influence of my family. So for me to stand against such strong personal pleading to not do what I was doing, was a huge self victory.
Tomorrow brings new hope, new self resolve, more self awareness, and more hope for my future. Tomorrow still remembers my first love, and wishes he chose to stay, but accepts his choice and is content with it. Tomorrow brings the possibility of finding my true love—one who will make me realize I have not experienced what true love really is.
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow...