It was not until the wedding of my best friend from high school, Sam, to her love and now my friend, Elise (who also blogs) in Salt Lake that I finally came around. Let me explain why.
I have been to many weddings (siblings and relatives). It wasn't until my best guy friend got married and asked me to be his best man that I had a feeling of something lacking. I blogged about watching him and his bride and telling myself, "This will never be me."
I then had the honor of being in my BFF's wedding, and for the first time not being able to go to the Temple sealing.
Then came my first gay wedding. My friend from high school asked me to be a "groomsman". Of course I said yes. I was excited, just like I was for every other wedding I had been a part of. But at the start of the wedding something was different.
The first bride came down the stairs and stood waiting on the stage for her bride. The second bride came down the stairs (this was my friend from high school) and after the third step, a powerful and invencible wave hit my chest. Tears burst through my eyes, and my lower lip trembled. Even though I was on the stage as a "groomsman", I wept. The weeping did not stop. I cried through the entire ceremony. (I saw several photos posted online from guests in the audience and in each photo I am wiping tears from my eyes.
For the first time in my life I felt the emotion of wanting a wedding. I had never felt this emotion at any of my straight friends weddings, no matter how close they were to me, no matter how happy I was for them. I never felt the power and hope that I felt at this wedding I was at now.
When people who knew I was gay asked if I wanted to be married, I always answered truthfully—"no". I wanted to just live my life and I didn't want or need a wedding. That all changed when I saw a wedding with people like me, gay, that I whole heartily desired a wedding.
After the ceremony, I was still overcome with the emotion and desires of wanting what the two brides had. Emotions that to me, resembled feelings of the spirit I had felt earlier in life. The same feelings that cemented my testimony of the Gospel and of the church.
|The "Groomsman" from the wedding (myself included) with the two brides.|
It took the bravery of two brides to finally expose me to a dormant and unknown desire of mine. It took two pioneers, to show me that there is nothing wrong with gay marriage. It took two friends to give me hope for my own future.
As a gay Mormon guy, I still have conflicting emotions to deal with in my heart, and in my head. But now I have a goal, something to look forward to — my wedding.