August 24, 2012

NOW I Support Gay Marriage

Let me admit, I have not supported gay marriage in the past. I have written defenses of traditional marriage in the past. Then answered some questions from my original post. I even defended my views against gay marriage in college. While I still held to view the definition of marriage to be rooted in a man and woman, I began to have some shift in thought after watching shows about polygamy. Though, I still had not come to accept gay marriage, but the idea was beginning to wear on me.

It was not until the wedding of my best friend from high school, Sam, to her love and now my friend, Elise (who also blogs) in Salt Lake that I finally came around. Let me explain why.

I have been to many weddings (siblings and relatives). It wasn't until my best guy friend got married and asked me to be his best man that I had a feeling of something lacking. I blogged about watching him and his bride and telling myself, "This will never be me."

I then had the honor of being in my BFF's wedding, and for the first time not being able to go to the Temple sealing.

Then came my first gay wedding. My friend from high school asked me to be a "groomsman". Of course I said yes. I was excited, just like I was for every other wedding I had been a part of. But at the start of the wedding something was different.

The first bride came down the stairs and stood waiting on the stage for her bride. The second bride came down the stairs (this was my friend from high school) and after the third step, a powerful and invencible wave hit my chest. Tears burst through my eyes, and my lower lip trembled. Even though I was on the stage as a "groomsman", I wept. The weeping did not stop. I cried through the entire ceremony. (I saw several photos posted online from guests in the audience and in each photo I am wiping tears from my eyes.

For the first time in my life I felt the emotion of wanting a wedding. I had never felt this emotion at any of my straight friends weddings, no matter how close they were to me, no matter how happy I was for them. I never felt the power and hope that I felt at this wedding I was at now.

When people who knew I was gay asked if I wanted to be married, I always answered truthfully—"no". I wanted to just live my life and I didn't want or need a wedding. That all changed when I saw a wedding with people like me, gay, that I whole heartily desired a wedding.

After the ceremony, I was still overcome with the emotion and desires of wanting what the two brides had. Emotions that to me, resembled feelings of the spirit I had felt earlier in life. The same feelings that cemented my testimony of the Gospel and of the church.

The "Groomsman" from the wedding (myself included) with the two brides.
The next day I drove 12 hours alone, to a family reunion in Washington, and cried nearly the whole way there. The power and emotion was still encapsulated inside me. During the second hour of the drive a love song played on my playlist and the dam of tears broke. When the song was over, I was so involved with the happy emotion that I searched for another love song. And then another, and another. I pictured my own exchanging of vows, I pictured myself walking down the isle and waiting for my groom to follow.

It took the bravery of two brides to finally expose me to a dormant and unknown desire of mine. It took two pioneers, to show me that there is nothing wrong with gay marriage. It took two friends to give me hope for my own future.

As a gay Mormon guy, I still have conflicting emotions to deal with in my heart, and in my head. But now I have a goal, something to look forward to — my wedding.


  1. Wow, this is beautiful. It makes me want to attend a gay wedding. :)

  2. Is this the wedding that Carol Lynn Pearson officiated?

  3. @ Trev - I do recommend it! It was beautiful!

    @ Duck - Yes it was the wedding Carol Lynn Pearson Officiated. I went and introduced myself to her (though I don't know her story like most other MoHo's, I know she is famous and important) but I think I just came off as creepy to her. Oh well.

  4. Awwwww, this is a sweet story.

    Weddings alone are emotional, but gay weddings especially are powerful, they're a statement of "we're here, even though we're not officially recognized" and yes, no less of a tear-jerker. Sometimes it takes an epiphany of that magnitude to move us. Way to go!

  5. Thats for sharing this. It makes me wonder how I'd feel were I to attend a gay wedding.

  6. @Miguel - Thanks, it was emotional.

    @Yeti - I think it affects each person differently, depending on where there are in their life.

  7. Trev Dawg, I love you. Thanks for writing this. It meant so much to have you there a part of my big day with me. I'm glad we were a small part of a good change of heart for you; though no matter how you feel or what you believe, I'll always love you. You're amazing.

  8. @ Lemonhead Yes, yes, I am quite amazing, which is why I just had to be your friend in high school. Gotta raise my social status some how!