July 6, 2012

Church Going Week 1

So I am finally moved, and settling in. I moved down on a Friday, and was expecting an invitation from my mother to come to church that first Sunday. When asked, I said that I would go with her this week, alluding to my uncertainty of any future attendance. I went, as I do anytime I visit family, to the ward I spent my latter teen years in and mingled with the adults who I now refer to by their first name. After coming home from the three hours, and letting it sink in, I began to think about the upcoming Sundays, and what I want to do. To go to church, or not to go to church.

Quite frankly, I think I would like to go to church weekly. With conditions.

I have always enjoyed Sacrament meetings. I know, that's suppose to be the most mundane and boring of the three hours right? I feel the spirit most when I sing the hymns though, and I find sacrament meeting to be the most thought provoking, even if the speaker is less than so.

I enjoy the social aspect of church. These people who walk the halls are my people. They have, for the most part, the same perspective on and feelings about life that I do. If I had to choose my group of friends between the Mormon community and the gay community, I would always choose the first.

I do have some conditions I would impose on my sabbath attendance. I am currently disfellowshipped from the church, have been for two and a half years now. I do not wish to "repent" and find my way back into full fellowship. I am very comfortable where I am right now with my relationship to the church.

I do not wish to meet with the Bishop or any other church leader for "checking in" or any other type of sit down conversation (granted my father is the Stake President). I thus would also not like to be visited by the missionaries as some sort of less active member.

What I want is to choose my level of engagement with church according to what my wants and needs are, not what the church's wants and needs are. I will choose whether I want to simply come to church and sit through meetings or whether I want anyone working with me.

And some weeks, I may not want to go at all.

Simply put leadership—leave me be. I just want to come, and enjoy church my way. If you can't handle that, then I simply won't come.

Got it?

Gosh I sound like a stuck up jerk, don't I!?

1 comment:

  1. No you most certainly do NOT sound like a "stuck up jerk". I'm glad you enjoyed the experience. And so long as you aren't interfering with others trying to do the same, it is perfectly reasonable to ask that you be left along in doing so.

    Hope home continues to work out friend. I admire your ability to find you comfortable place in the world.