April 22, 2012

"What Do You Look For in a Guy?"

Last night I went out with 10 or so people like me. MOHO's as we are commonly referred to. We went out to dinner and began a night of many small conversations about life, stories (often the experiences one has faced as a gay Mormon is commonly referred to as their "story') and just plain old fashioned getting to know you introductions. As I have been growing in my understanding of what it is to be Mormon and be gay I find a deeper connection and more importantly, a deeper understanding with these people. I met some new people tonight and the expanse of differing life experiences grew, but also shrunk at the same time. Even though we all have different ending points: our relationship with the church, or our current relationship status, we all have a shared path of what it is to grow up Mormon and gay.

Alas this is not what I wanted to blog about. I do find less and less desire to blog. Ever since my decision to stop forcing a conflict in my life, I find my need to vent or share frustrations, which was a large part of my blog, decreasing significantly. But every once in a while, I find I want to put my thoughts in writ form.

So last night after dinner, most of the guys went to a dance club. After my pathetic attempt at dancing I went over to the group and sat next to one of the new guys I met at dinner. We began small talk and he asked me if I was single. After explaining yes, he asked why. I explained my usual response of, "I'm picky," which is true and false. He then asked what I look for in a guy. (Let me interject here, if he was asking these questions because he was interested in me, I will hate myself forever, because he is very cute and we seemed to have a lot in common. I'm very unperceptive when it comes to things like that. Anyways, enough of my little crush.) In response to his question of what I looked for in a guy, I gave the typical, cliche answer, "Nice, sweet, caring, and a Mormon background."

After I woke up this morning I realized, I don't know what I want in a guy. Besides the Mormon background, which I think is very important for a mutual understanding of life experiences, I don't know what else I value in a partner.

I know I want the perfect guy, the kind you see in movies, but I'm not sure what that would require. Dating is part of the process where you pick up an understanding of what you value and what you dislike in a partner, however, my dating experience is extremely limited. I know I want someone with a big heart, capable of large amounts of empathy and compassion. I know I want someone I am attracted to, which is a large pool of physical traits to draw from. But beyond that I am clueless.

Hopefully I will have more relationships from which I can determine what I value in a person I want to spend my life with.


  1. It's good to hear your alive. :)

  2. First off, I love your blog! I actually read and listened to the entire blog today and I love it! It was very interesting seeing your progression in finding who you are especially because I feel as if I'm one the same path in many regards. I hope that you find what you are looking for in life, and in guys!! And I know that this blog is meant for you to grow and write what you are thinking, but I hope you continue to write regularly...you're an inspiration to me and, I imagine, to others as well.

  3. Thanks Jake, I just get busy with school is all.

    Thank you Chase. Always nice to know people enjoy what I share and write about. Do you have a blog?

  4. Someone caring and understanding- these are just some of the things that I’m searching for a man. ;)

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  5. Thanks Chase.

    Karen – I agree those are important, but aren't those on everyones list?