At the beginning of this month, and year, I stated that I finally feel like I am in a position in my life where I can handle a real relationship. I stated some reasons for this; being more open about being gay, and being more honest with my family. I have also come to realize that being ready for a relationship isn't enough. I need to prepare.
I watched an episode of MTV's Real World: San Diego, (deep—I know), but I learned a lot about what may have been one of my problems mentally. In the episode below, Frank, who has never had a relationship before, falls hard for Michael, and in doing so assumes all will work out. He then cheats and proceeds to say, "Im not ready to settle down" or "I'm going to make mistakes." He basically excuses his actions of cheating for not being ready.
I reject his rational.
(The Full Episode - The important part 34:00 - 36:40)
In this same sense there are things I need to do to prepare for a relationship. One of which is to stop making out with guys because I feel the urge (No, not sex, making out). Until I learn to control my desires, I can fall into the same mindset of Frank, and think things will work out eventually with no effort on my part.
I need to learn to sacrifice what I want for someone else's needs. I enjoy my me time way to much. I would rather go home after school, and watch a movie by myself. Last week when a friend text me and invited me over to dinner at her house within the hour, I decided to abandon my time in favor of socializing. That may seem like a stupid thing, but for me it is huge to sacrifice.
There are other things I need to work on, and I am in process of initiating change in my life, because I want to be ready for a relationship whenever that special time happens.