January 28, 2012

Preparing To Be Ready

At the beginning of this month, and year, I stated that I finally feel like I am in a position in my life where I can handle a real relationship. I stated some reasons for this; being more open about being gay, and being more honest with my family. I have also come to realize that being ready for a relationship isn't enough. I need to prepare.

I watched an episode of MTV's Real World: San Diego, (deep—I know), but I learned a lot about what may have been one of my problems mentally. In the episode below, Frank, who has never had a relationship before, falls hard for Michael, and in doing so assumes all will work out. He then cheats and proceeds to say, "Im not ready to settle down" or "I'm going to make mistakes." He basically excuses his actions of cheating for not being ready.

I reject his rational.

(The Full Episode - The important part 34:00 - 36:40)

One isn't just made ready for a relationship, one needs to prepare for a relationship. In this sense Frank says that he can't help his wanting to sleep around, because its just who he is right now. He rejects the fact that by continuing his behavior he will eventually, at some time, change. His roommates in "confessional" obvious point out he is very mistaken for that view. If he would work on having real relationships with men, instead of one night stands (a term as acknowledged by him), then he would become ready for a relationship.

In this same sense there are things I need to do to prepare for a relationship. One of which is to stop making out with guys because I feel the urge (No, not sex, making out). Until I learn to control my desires, I can fall into the same mindset of Frank, and think things will work out eventually with no effort on my part.

I need to learn to sacrifice what I want for someone else's needs. I enjoy my me time way to much. I would rather go home after school, and watch a movie by myself. Last week when a friend text me and invited me over to dinner at her house within the hour, I decided to abandon my time in favor of socializing. That may seem like a stupid thing, but for me it is huge to sacrifice.

There are other things I need to work on, and I am in process of initiating change in my life, because I want to be ready for a relationship whenever that special time happens.


  1. I'm with you half-way on this one. I think a lot of things, like learning to sacrifice, spend time with others, etc., are great ways to prepare for a relationship. At the same time, I think limiting yourself to no actions (kissing/making out) outside of a relationship can be detrimental. Maybe I'm a little jaded on this point, but I feel like no one else is playing by these rules, and sometimes we focus so much on the rules that we forget to live our lives. I'm not saying you need to go have a ton of random intimate encounters. Just don't feel like the only way you can live and enjoy life is inside of a relationship.

  2. Oh no, Im not saying no actions, Im just talking about this one nighter mentality is horrible. I love making out, trust me, but I want it to be more than "getting off".