January 8, 2012

I Am Ready

I feel like I am finally ready to have a relationship. I have cleared some hurdles of which I viewed as important in my life.

I am "out" on Facebook. Anyone (except for some of my annoying cousins) can go and see in my "about" section that I'm "interested" in men. Before that point I had only come out to certain people that I deemed worthy of knowing. Now anyone who is my friend, can see it for themselves.

My family knows I am not going to church. For the longest time, only my sister, who is in the same boat as myself, knew I had stopped attending. Then a few months ago, I told my brother, when it fit nicely into our conversation about the church. Recently, my sister asked outright, because that is just what she does. My father asked when he took me home before church service. I wanted to go home only because I had not brought church clothes, because I wasn't expecting to stay as long as I did at my brothers house. The situation though was ripe for his asking, and I was honest, which I had not been to that point about my church attendance.

I was talking, a few days back, on the phone with my grandmother, who herself is not a member, and she asked what my plans were for Sunday. I told her exactly what I was doing (minus the date I had with a guy). She also asked if I was not going to church anymore. I told her the truth, and she asked why I was not going. I beat around the bush with my explanation. I told her "there are some things in my life I am figuring out on my own. I still believe in almost everything the church teaches, but there is just a few things I'm doing on my own." She understood, though she doesn't know I am gay. At least I havent told her. That conversation, however, has prompted me to consider telling her.

These two hurdles, being more out, and being honest about my church attendance with my family, were important for me. But also important for my family. Instead of a sudden quick "fall" where they would attempt to catch me, I have taken a slow and steady retreat. Not on purpose, but just stemming from natural events taking place and my own evolution of though. I think that is it helping not only them but helping me to be prepared for the next step — a serious boyfriend.

Oh and the fact that Ive met a really great, handsome guy, doesn't hurt either :)

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