August 27, 2011

You Don't Have A Ring On It

So, I have entered into another relationship. This would be relationship number two point five (the whole point five thing can be explained later). Anyways, without going into much detail, we have been on a couple of dates, and been chatting for several weeks, but only recently made things official with a verbal agreement that we were "dating". Only, the day after this happy moment, I began to panic.

Panicing is nothing new for me, as I panic with most mundane situations. IE catching a bus that is still just 5 minuets away, being late, running behind schedule. (notice a pattern?)

I remember this sense of worry in the second relationship I was in, (the point 5 one). Ultimately, that worry is what stopped it at point five. I also saw it many times in my first relationship though with a patient boyfriend I overcame it—even though it didn't last in the end. This time it came quick and so  I turned to a friend to help me sort it out.

I chatted with my friend on Facebook chat, because she is still in Alaska on summer break. I told her I am panicing about being in a relationship and the conversations follows like so:

ME: We decided to officially go out too... and now I'm all scared 
HER: It happened fast but that's exciting and obviously there was a quick connection which is good ... he seems really cool.

ME: I know lol im just scared of commitment =/
HER: Cause you haven't ever had a super long term committed relationship?? cause you wanna date around?? why??
ME: Havent had a real relationship, just scared of giving up MY life.. I know its way to early to think that but its me i worry lol
HER: You guys are both "young" ... i'm "young" ya know what i mean? just take it day by day n see what happens. you don't have a ring on it, neither does he. if you enjoy his company, keep seeing him. if you don't feel comfortable, if you are nervous, take a step back. know that ultimately it's all up to what YOU want and what YOU need! Taking risks is good though
ME: You're so smart! Thank you :)
HER: Of course!
After meeting L i've realized that what makes me the most happy with him is that it doesn't take work, neither of us stress because we're chill. yes, relationships "take work" but ours isn't forced, we've both developed feelings for each other that we've never had with anyone else and that's when we realized it was all right.
Sounds like you andn he have gone out, done things, he's been to your place.. he's the same age.. it's all good!
But i know that commitment can be a scary thought
ME:It is and your right we aren't getting married, i can take things as slow as I want and need. Thank you. 

My friend was so right. I tend to always jump to future conclusions. If I am dating him, I am not going to end up in a life time commitment with him. All of those thoughts and assumptions at the beginning of any relationship can be a mood killer.

I need a jolt of reality and she gave it to me. Let things take its course and right now just enjoy meeting someone new and the experiences we have together right now. Make of it what I want, and make it move as fast as I want. I havent made any time length commitment. If at anytime I need a break or such I can take it. As my friend so eloquently referenced from Beyonce, "You don't have a ring on it."

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