December 15, 2010

Year: Review and Upcoming


As a new year approches I being to think of what I want to do with my life. New Years is not a time that I set resolutions for myself, at least not anymore. I use to do that old tradition, but I never kept the promises I made to myself, so what's the point. I wanted to do something that really meant something, and so I started to evaluate my life and where I was and where I wanted to go. Well, its that time of year again.

I have changed so much in this past year. I went from a scared closeted gay man (I really hate the word, man, it makes me feel old. I prefer guy). I went from someone who was a cookie cut mormon, to a truthful mormon. I began to live honestly, and truthfully to what I really believed. I did not toss the church on the way side, and instead embraced the truth that I find and see in it, and mold it with my own experiences and beliefs.

I came out to the rest of my family, most of my friends, my mission President, most companions and close friends from the mission, and I have come out to new friends I meet at school. I have made friends who are gay, and embrace spending time with them, instead of running for the umbrella of straightness. I have entered my first gay relationship, something which by the way, I thought would never happen.

I have lived on my own for over a year now, supporting myself financially, only receiving help paying for college tuition from my parents. I have maintained a steady job, that pays well, and works with my school schedule. I have been promoted and gain respect from those I work with. I began my second year in a field of study that I am truly happy with and I really do love my major.

Overall, I have had a wonderful, happy, year full of growth.

So where do I want to go?

I want to continue my growth. I want to start to make connections in DC with others in my career field. I want to get ahead financially, and be able to not worry about my bank account. I want to be more envolved in the issues that matter to me. I want to volunteer in the coming Republican presidential primary elections. I want to get involved in Log Cabin Republicans or GOProud. I want to be a effective advocate for being a gay Mormon, who isn't mad at the church.

Doing most of these things, means I need to become more open about who I really am. I need to be ok with everyone around me knowing that I am a gay mormon guy. There are some friends who don't know. The only reason they don't know is because I don't see them often enough, if at all, to have the chance to tell them. I dont want a Facebook outing, because I feel that is so in-personable.

My immediate family knows I am gay, and that has been ok. My Dad's side doesn't, and neither does my Mom's. My Dad's side is all Mormon, and I really dont see them, but every three years. I do have one cousin and her husband moving to Portland and so I look forward to spending time with them, and Im sure I will tell them. The rest of that side of the family, I am not that close to, and so coming out seems out of the ordinary. However, I sure once I tell a few it will spread. My Mom's side is not Mormon at all, and I am less close to them than my Dad's side. So I don't see a point to come out. It can find its own way to their minds.

I will have to deal with some friction from my family. The friction will come from their confusion as to why I would want to be out and about, active in issues and organizations, while still having a relationship with the church. Some won't understand, and some will.

I will most likely be ex-communicated from the church, because of the things I have done since my disfellowshipment. While I still love the church and believe it is true, I am ok with being Ex'd. In my eyes, I see it as possibly a needed distance for both of us to grow to the point that we can fit together.

Looking back at what 2010 has brought me, I am looking forward to 2011 with anticipation.

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