So this weekend I came home to start off the holidays. My brother got a leave from his army training and my folks picked me up on the way to get him at the airport. It has been a wonderful time thus far, but there have been a couple things that have been bothering me this past two days. Just because a few things have bothered me and I want to talk about them, doesn't mean I am not enjoying my time with my family. I just need to get these two things off my chest.
I was driving with my brother, who just got home, and he started to tell me about this girl that likes him and how he has been handling that while away in the army. He then went on to tell me about his last girlfriend and how their relationship ended. While I listened and paid attention, I couldn't help but be sad, that I cannot share with him news of my boyfriend, and whats going on in my love life. If I were to bring it up, I think he would politely say he is not interested in hearing about it. I think he would react that way because of previous conversations I have had with him about the whole gay topic. I want to share with him about my relationships just as he is sharing about his, but I can't.
The Clinton era "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy was replaced with a new law allowing gay members of the military to serve openly today. While I quietly/tentatively support this cause, I didn't dare bring it up today with my family, because of the awkwardness it would bring. The whole gay scab would have been reopened and all the blood of questions of where I am in my life and my testimony of the gospel would ensue. I did not want to have to deal with that and so I kept quiet, reading news articles and liking friends DADT comments on Facebook.
Thoughts of future Christmas' have also been swirling around in my head. When I am in a life long committed relationship, what am I gonna do. Ask my parents for permission to bring my partner to Christmas? Have to rent a hotel room because we aren't allowed to sleep in the same bed in the house? If they refuse to allow him to come for family functions (which I dont think they would banish him, but there will be rules laid out) will I have to choose between him and my family to spend the holidays with? This is all a little unfair.
I understand that I may be over reacting, and my family may not act the way I have casted them, but do I really wanna ruin the holidays by asking what I can expect from them in the future? How do I broach the subject in a delicate manner? When do I mention to them I have someone I want to bring home for the holidays—August?
I'm not going to let this ruin the holidays, but its something that I will need to address at a later time, but I really don't want too...
I have thought about that so many times. Of course, it's likely not an issue for me because I'm all talk when it comes to having a relationship. But holidays, family events and get togethers with my closest friends who are all LDS would be difficult even though I think they would try. Insoluble to me. Hope you have better luck figuring it out.
ReplyDeleteI was with my family tonight too, and during the dinner prayer I couldn't help but think about being grateful for the repeal of DADT. Slim chance I'd ever be able to say a prayer like that.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally get your worries about how to integrate a SO into the family. I worry about it every time I see mine. My current hope is that my parents will be willing to accept him when they realize he's going to be a permanent part of my life.
Every family is unique and you will need to find the comfort zone for you and your family. This comfort zone will change over time as your relationships mature. My family nearly rejected by dear brother-in-law when he came out to them and there were some years of minimal contact. However, over the years they have realized that he is happy where he is and so they are happy for him. We have all come to love his partner and they regularly visit and sleep together. His partners mother has become best friends with his own mother. Now the entire family realizes how much we would have lost if he had been abandoned.
ReplyDeleteYour family sounds like gentle honest people and so I'm guessing it will be easier for you than it was for him and his partner. Have a great holiday. Best regards.