September 19, 2010

What Makes a Gay?



I had some interesting conversations with people at work this week that brought up some interesting observations.

I was in the Administrative office talking with one of the ladies who does invoices. We have gotten to know each other pretty well (in terms of work) because I have had a lot of questions since I began the new position. She was wishing me a nice vacation week I am taking before school (I am at home all this week). We then somehow got talking about her nephew who is just about to start college. She said, "He actually reminds me a lot of you."

"Oh?" I inquired.

"He is very happy all the time, very good with people, even a little flamboyant in that area." I became a little dishearten when she said that. "I'm not flamboyant in any area." I reassured myself. She went on to describe him more, which her descriptions lead me to believe he was gay.

I also went in to meet a new person who was working at the bank branch at my work, and she said I always looked so happy, and always look high on life. I was quite taken aback by this, as I never considered myself a happy person, but I was appreciative of her compliments.

Then I got to thinking, were these characteristics I had what lead some in my department at work to assume I was gay before I came out. Is my happy go lucky attitude a red flag of my sexual orientation? When we see hollywood gays, we see bitchy boys with attitudes, not cheerful pleasant people.

I have quite a knack for being sociable at work (which I wish would translate into my normal social life). I make jokes, have fun and am very laid back. I am very intuitive and a good listener. I am sensitive and eager to hear ones problems. Do those things set off peoples gay-dar at work?

Does being a sociable butterfly make a man gay? I don't think so. But is a gay man a social butterfly? More often then not yes. I don't know why, and It doesn't really matter. Just something I got to thinking about recently.

I am not going to hide these characteristics of myself, because they are who I am, and I love that I come across this way. I just found it interesting.


  1. Twice yesterday at church in totally separate situations, I was called a "social butterfly". At first I was taken back by the comments because I don't consider myself overtly social. But, particularly in a church setting, I become more engaging, more compassionate, a good listener, a touchy-feely guy who reaches out and tries to connect with everyone.

    Why do I do this? And how are people viewing me as I do this?

    I feel it is just who I am. Does being a "social butterfly" come off as being gay to people? If I were in any other situation, would I be viewed as being gay by others because of my "social butterfly" knack?

    You ask if a gay man is more often then not a "social butterfly"... I don't know the answer, but it makes me wonder. One guy said it in a positive way (wishing he were more willing to engage people), while another guy said it in almost a demeaning way - like how come I can't settle down and get done what I need to get done without chatting and hugging with everyone.

    Oh if they only knew...

    But, I've decided that I don't care what others think. I'm going to be who I am and stop hiding this natural expression of "social butterfly-ness".

  2. Before I came out I was the wall flower extraordinaire. just on Sunday I tried to leave a party of about 20 people and it took me an hour because as I was saying bye to everybody I ended up talking and being happy with each group of people.
    Also I used to fear walking up to a stranger and just talking to them. Since I came out it has really started to blossom. I was at the temple doing baptisms and I just went into a 20 minute convo with the matron about our mutual love for President Uchtdorf. and afterwards in the sotore I made friends with the person in line ahead of me.

    I see it more often in the fact that of all the people on the street tourists come up to me and ask me for directions or the like more than anyone else I know. Being Gay just gives you a gay (as in happy) outlook on life that people recognize as in the aura around you. embrace it!