September 12, 2010

Planning For The Now



If there is one thing in life that I have been perfect at, it is planning. I plan like there is no tomorrow (even though it is tomorrow I'm planning for... Maybe thats not the best cliche to use in this post). I plan like my life depends on it (thats better). I would even consider planning to be a minor OCD that I have.

Examples of my planning can be shown in the following stories:
The family was on a road trip to Seattle to visit my uncle. My grandmother was with us and I was sitting in the front seat with her. I began to ask my mom questions, "What time are we arriving?" "What are our plans when we get there?" "How long will we be doing that for?" Etc. (you get the point).

At around the 4th question my dear G-ma who I love, turned to me and said, "Why don't you just sit back and not worry about that." My mother came to my defense, "It's ok Mom, he just wants to know so he can plan."

Elder G was in the living room reading the scriptures in the few minuets we had left in our lunch break. I needed to do some things before we could leave the flat. "Hey Elder, I'm going to go use the bathroom, then put some more supplies in my pack and then I will be ready to leave, ok?" Elder G looked at me and said, "Elder Trevor, why do you always have to tell me what you are going to do?" I looked at him wondering why he would ask such a stupid question. "So you can plan your schedule?!"

Elder G chuckled and said, "You don't need to tell me everything, I'll go when you're ready, I don't need to plan like you do."
I sat in bewilderment, "Oh, ok, well I'm just going to head up stairs to... Right, never mind."


The next three years of classes I need to take is planned. Where I want to move after school (which is 3+ years away) is in stages of being planned. I'm even calculating costs of renting moving vehicles. My career paths are considered and mapped out.

However, tonight got me to thinking. It has been nearly 6 months since I was disfellowshipped from the church that I know to be true. Yet I have not made any progress in terms of what I want to do with my relationship with God. My current boy situation is not at all what I have ever wanted and I am quite repulsed with myself for it. I was not raised with the standards I am currently employing. I am not satisfied with the here and now.

I am coming to terms with the realization that I am so versed in planning for the future that I forget to plan for the here and now. I am not doing the things RIGHT NOW that I want to do. I need to temporarily stop worrying about the future, and focus on the current time frame.

I need, no, I want to make changes with the way I am living my life right now. I need to put right now on the path I want it to be instead of setting up the future. 

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