I ride the bus to work every week day. I have in the past gone through different periods of bus entertainment. iPod listening, following a tale through an audio book, or silently taking in the sights. Last week, I swung into the iPod stage again.
While riding on Tuesday, staring out the window, listening to a song of which I have forgotten now, I had a thought.
"Do I know that God is real?" - YES
"Do I know Christ is His Son?" - YES
"Do I know this (LDS) is his church?" - YES
"Do I know God choose Monson as his living prophet?" - Yes
"Then why don't I do what he says. Even if I disagree. Even if I don't like it. Why don't I do what he says?"
I then made a decision to do what the church says, because I know it is true. Namely, to live a celibate life alone. I knew this would make me terribly lonely, forever sad, but in the "eternal perspective" happy. I called my dear BFF the next day and told her of this epiphany I had had. She was excited and told me to write down how I was feeling at that moment.
Three days after this epiphany, the realization of what I had decided on that day to do hit me, and I once again gave up on the utopian idea. Do I still know the above questions to be true, YES. Do I have the desire and/or will to not pursue a relationship with another man, NO.
This is an example of what I call a spiritual high. Moments in life where I am filled with extra energy to do what I feel God wants me to do. Then I come back down to normality. Ready to follow the path that I want for myself, instead the path I believe God wants for me.
Before you comment, I know many of you will say, that God is ok with homosexual relationships and that the church is wrong, or has gone astray in this teaching. I know you believe that. I don't try to tell you you're wrong in your belief. But I believe opposite. However, I choose to go my own way and not with God on that subject, and I am ok with that.
As I went through this spiritual high, I regret telling my BFF. I regret it because I raised her hopes that I would follow the church, only to let her down again. I am grateful I did not tell my mother and father about this epiphany, because I would hurt them when one week later I retract my decision. I need to learn to wait things out before I share them. Although this is my journey, with hills and valleys alike, sometimes things need time to marinate.
That was my epiphany. Now it is simply a sign in the rearview mirror on my road of life.