February 13, 2010
Dreams - Part 1
Over the past few months I have begun to have dreams. Not just any dreams, but dreams that pertain to what is going on in my life right now. It began with dreams taking place inside church meetings (Which I will recall in the following posts) and most recently about a relationship and my parents reaction. While I am not one for believing everything my dreams say... I do believe there is some information to be gleaned. I have had this thought this since my mission, so it's not a new and convenient belief.
This is my most recent dream, occurring on the night of 2.11.2010
This story involves Sweetie
(This whole past week I have been getting what I would call signals from Sweetie, that he wants to be close friends, or more?! While he texts a lot and puts in a lot of :)'s and :D's, he is a super sweet person and maybe its just his natural self. I have tested the gay waters and joked around about him sucking dick. He played along but then denied a "fake confession". I continually said, "no worries, I don't judge, I have lots a gay friends and it doesn't bother me." We also joked with Baby Franco about sucking and I admitted I'd do it for money (I'd do it for free though) and he and Baby Franco said they could never do that.)
So Sweetie and I were sitting next to each other on a tour bus and watching a movie on the little TV. It felt like just a normal trip on the bus. Well I kinda leaned in towards him and our arms brushed. At which point, Sweetie puts his arm around mine and we just watch the movie with our arms intertwined.
We are having a side conversation while still watching the movie, and inside I have butterflies because I like him so much. Well I notice in the seat behind me is my dad, mom and grandma (? not sure why she was there lol)
Well, I was only slightly worried that they are there and can see our arms intertwined, but I don't pay much attention to it as I am enjoying it
Sweetie leans in and gives me the sweetest, kindest, most gentle kiss on the cheek.
I look in his eyes, smile, and thank him... but I am also utterly shocked, and embarrassed my parents saw it.. but I am even more enthralled with him because he made a move and let me know his true feelings.
My mother gets up immediately, and huffs and puffs her way up to the front of the bus
Sweetie says he is sorry and I tell him I enjoyed it very much, but I need to deal with my parents right now, but not to worry cause I loved what he did.
I turn around and my dad, is half upset and half indifferent, but says, "your sin is your sin" (as if to say, what you do is your business). Grandma is all upset that my mom would be upset over the kiss on the cheek, and says, "I don't get why she is upset about that." (My grandma let my sister live with her while she was living her gay lifestyle and, to my knowledge, didn't care much. She is not a member). Once again my dad says, "your sin is your sin", but he doesnt seem to upset
I go to the front of the bus and tell my mom I didnt even know he was gay when I invited him on the trip
My mom says, "well maybe you should tell him to leave."
I say "Mom... I am going to pursue this relationship, I really like him," and she gets upset again.
That is when I wake up. I have not been able to stop thinking about Sweetie today, and what this dream, if anything, tells me. I posted on FB "Sometimes I wish my dreams were real life." Totally alluding to Sweetie kissing me on the cheek!
I almost told Sweetie he was in my dreams, but then tell him I couldn't remember what it was about (lie) and just give him the impression I though I about him a lot, but I didn't, because of the FB status.
I would absolutely love to have a relationship with Sweetie, and if he wanted too I would, hands down.
So what might this dream mean?
1- Sweetie is gay and likes me
Oh gosh, I hope so.
2- I need to pursue a gay relationship and I now know what my parentials and grandma will think of it.
Eh... Aside from the fact that I am confident Sweetie is straight (but I still have doubts), there is no one else who I feel that way towards right now.
3- It was just the beginning of a wet dream
In which case I'm extremely upset I never get to 2nd base in any of my dreams!