November 2, 2009

Told (Repercussions)

Well, the saga continues...

My (former) future roommate found a job today, which was going to be the go ahead with finalizing the apartment.

(notice all the past tense words)

So after hearing the good news that he found a job I asked, "So we are good to move ahead with the apartment then?"

He shook his head and responded, "No, we need to talk about that."

My heart sunk and I figured it was over.

Tonight as we were riding transit home together from FHE, I asked, "so whats up with the apartment?"

He related that he had just felt as if he should stay in his current place, and this was in response to his prayers from the past couple of days.

Now how can I refute an answer to prayers? Do I believe it was an answer to his prayers, or a knee jerk reaction to his potential roommate confessing he likes men?

Not sure, but I'd go with the latter.

All in all, I am really actually peaceful with this new situation, (and no I don't think I'm in denial and defense mode from the rejection). I will now be able to have a place all to myself, which I usually prefer, and will be able to live anywhere I want. I don't need to worry about others messes, or others schedules, or others not paying bills.

I usually prefer to do things on my own, so maybe living on my own will be the best.

So I am actually pleased with the living situation. But the fact that my sexual orientation has put some form of road block in this friendship worries me. We will see how the friendship plays out over the next few days and weeks, and I will keep you posted.


  1. Sorry to hear it didn't work out--but your attractions may not be the real reason. Move on, enjoy life.

  2. Sorry Quinn, that's too bad. Like you said though, there are lots of plusses to living alone. :)

  3. You'll probably never know for sure whether or not his change of mind has anything to do with your coming out to him.

    Far better (in my mind) to give him the benefit of the doubt and do your best to believe that there has been no change in your friendship. Too often what we believe becomes true, even when it wasn't at first.

  4. Ugh, that really sucks. I don't know you (at least I don't think so!), but I feel for you :)

  5. Thanks everyone. Right now I am assuming he was sincere and genuine in his prayerful decision.

    Right now the prospect of living on my own is really exciting! Although I may have to move wards?!

  6. Reading this blog and the repercussions has been somewhat painful. My heart does hurt for you. I always want to think that I'm a good influence and that I'd be faith promoting friend, roommate etc to have around, and to think that someone would pray about me and get a negative response really should make want to look inward at my perspective. But I also think it would take someone who is humble enough not to allow pride to upset them, not to feel judged and not to get offended.

    A few blogs ago you wrote about over emphasizing and its dangers. I think this is something that can happen slowly and seems to creep into our personal perspectives without us noticing it.

    For instance when we start to use terms like orientations as absolutes, words like gay to describe our condition and what not. Those things if we allow them will start to self define us. We do need to be careful that we don't turn into the sort of person that we would or should want to avoid. Not because we are bad people, but because we could influence others to accept things that would lead them to do the same.

    You may never really know why your friend feels that way. But I would take this experience humbly, use it for inward contemplation. If its true why would the Lord influence him to do otherwise. Again don't allow yourself to be offended. Consider it humbly. There is probably a lesson here.