Life is full of choices, and demands on our time. We have complete control over how we spend our days, from what job we took, to what we do in our free time.
How much does being gay (others call it having SSA), consume your life?
I have been thinking a lot about this lately, hearing people talk about the burden of being attracted to your same sex and how its weighing down on their shoulders. I have often felt this burden, and have felt that weight so much it feels as if I scrapping along on the floor because of the massive weight. Often I wonder, how much do I put into my attraction to men?
Yes I notice men everyday walking down the street, and there are a lot here. Yes when I hear a comment about gay culture or gay this and that, It jogs my memory. With that being said, I have a lot on my plate, ranging from homework, to making friends, and so on and so forth. My amount of gay consumption is very low, and it is a great benefit to me.
Being attracted to the same gender does not define who I am. I have a lot of other stellar (my new favorite word) qualities that need attention, if not more so than my attractions. Now I am in no way saying that if you focus on other things your attractions will go away, not one bit, but what I am saying is I'm not going to let the gay thoughts overrun my system.
Letting my gay consumption run higher than 10% on normal days and through out life would be detrimental to my health (in a matter of speaking). Being gay does not define me, it is a small part of a larger whole of who I am as a being.
I have so many other stellar (hehe) qualities that trump my attractions, that I don't want to be known as the gay guy. I want to be known more by my kindness, talents, and dreams, with a side of who I like.
I have a friend from high school who is also gay, and we had this conversation a while ago. He told me being gay defines everything he does. It is who he is. I find that very disturbing. While I applaud his confidence in his sexuality I weep with his throwing away of his complete identity.
(I want to start a new thing to get conversations rolling)
Whats your Gay Consumption level in your life right now?
Where would you like it to be?
I think you have struck a cord here and while I won't write a whole other blog in this comment I think what you are saying strikes to the core of what a lot of those who struggle with this really struggle with. Again you have impressed me with what you've said.
ReplyDeleteReading a lot of these so called "moho blogs" I've found that a lot of them dwell on the topic as if it is an obsession. As if it is the filter by which they see the world by. It's how they define themselves and their relationship with Heavenly Father, their family and the church. The other thing I find is that a lot of these people are not happy.
I read of guys who anguish over "not feeling the spirit" or "not feeling like they belong at church" or not feeling like they can talk to their parents. I often wonder if this has more to do with other issues besides homosexuality, if this has more to do with pride or with their inability to accept that maybe trying to live with one foot in both worlds is making them unhappy. Certainly when you read that someone has thrown in the towel so to speak they seem happy. But I also think that happiness is the result of no longer feeling conflicted. And I do honestly know that if the Holy Ghost is warning you to not dwell on something and you are trying to figure out how you can dwell with it and at the same time stay faithful - well yes there will be conflict.
I think that trying to find a way to merge two things that can't be merged will always lead to conflict. I don't think being honest with others, those you love and those you trust about how you feel is merging. That's just being genuine. But I do think even those who are trying hard to be faithful can over emphasize on the topic until it does become the only thing they talk about and view themselves as. The whole concept of being part of a "moho" culture does that because now it is how you are defining yourself.
I think if we look at our blogs, if we look at what we read, if we look at what we spend our free time doing, what our convos are about most of the time we can see if we are trying hard to be in control or if we are allowing things to control us.
The church is supposed to be a tool that we use to help us live the gospel. The gospel is supposed to make us happy. The problem is that we also need to want to be happy in living the gospel. For some of us I fear the gospel serves more as a prison holding us back from things that we really want. The conflict comes when we believe those things to be harmful but we want them anyways and what more we want the church and God to change their mind about it being wrong so we can embrace those things and still be good.
Again I am really impressed with what you have posted. Please keep blogging.
GCL: Not that high lately, but it's been higher in the past. I'm ok with how much I think about it lately. I think it's not an obsession partially because I've allowed myself to focus on it when it has weighed more heavily rather than trying to push it away. Maybe I'll write more about this on my own blog rather than going on about it here (as I tend to do).
ReplyDeleteP.S.--How much time did you spend finding your sexy images for this post? :-)
HAHA, my pictures I use on my blog go through a rigorous testing period to complete a hotness rating, and then go into review for relevance to the subject on hand.
ReplyDeleteUsually it takes me 30 min to find photos and only 15 to write the blog... lol crazy I know!
I don't have sexy photos and it take me twice as long to find a relevant picture as it does to write the post as well!
ReplyDeleteA while back, I posted about what would I allow to define me.
http://luckynowandthen.blogspot.com/2009/02/what-will-define-me.html
While being gay is part of who I am, it certainly isn't all I am. When I am out of balance physically, spiritually and emotionally, it seems to take on a larger and unhealthy role.
I like your perspective.
It should be part of the mix but just a part. Shouldn't overwhelm or permeate everything. Balance is key.
ReplyDeleteAnd FWIW if there's one thing that offends me it's the arrogance of straight people who purport to pity us for "struggling" with this "burden." I don't struggle with it one bit, it comes quite naturally to me and I like it a lot, thank you very much.
I too like the pics. Especially the first one with the guy under the cloud. So appropriate. I have to agree with Braveone and Alan. Being gay or having SSA or SGA or whatever the heck it's called now is no more of an identifier than being straight is. Where I think the problem comes from is in those trying to tell you how to lead your life and do what makes you happy - essentially persuasively trying to null "free agency". Especially if those individuals insist that your happiness is unacceptable in the eyes of God.
ReplyDeleteQuinn your thoughts are very nicely packaged. Very much like the church publication "God Loveth His Children"
I've become increasingly amused with those who can't quite grasp the gravity being gay can be, and equating SSA and the resulting challenges as if it were like being preoccupied with sex. Get your minds out of the gutter. Being gay is not just about sex, jeez - it's about love. And who wants to go through life feeling alone an unloved whether their attraction be based on same gender or opposite gender relationships. Who you are attracted to is no one else's business but your own, and if you so choose to believe God has nothing better to do but watch what you're doing - God too.
However, regardless of sexual orientation, denying who you are attracted to or even who you may fall in love with is equally destructive emotionally, psychologically, and yes, spiritually. I don't believe gay people obsess on their identity any more than straight people do. Those who are gay do, however, have much more to struggle with -socially speaking. And especially where religion and faith enter the picture.
The gospel of Christ is also an obscure thing to many members of the church. Somewhere there is an equation that "the gospel" equals Mormon Doctrine. Not quite true. The gospel can be found in total in the New Testament and the teachings of Christ. Now one can argue the finer points beyond that but nowhere in "the gospel" does it say being gay is bad. That's an Old Testament, dare I say "old covenant," thing replaced by the NT. Nowhere that I've found in the BoM is it said that being gay is bad either. It just isn't there.
Be who YOU are, not what people tell you to be.