August 27, 2009

Coming Out... of Sorts

I am having an inner debate.

Whether or not I should reveal my true identity on this blog.

Will my friends find out?
Do I care if they find out?
Will the church members I know find out?
Will I care if they find out?
Do I care what anyone else thinks?

Please submit advice you have on revealing my true identity on this blog.
Thank you.


  1. Dear Moho,

    You are a gay mormon. Everyone cares. They think that you are a poison in their happy, perfect world. And making it public means they think they have to publicly cast you out.

    I reccomend testing the water by telling your ward you have a drug addicion and see if they completely flip out. I go to BYU-I and there are many a linching and witch hunts. Where you are, hopefully, isn't as completely insane!

    Luv ya bro.

  2. Like Nike says... Just do it... :)
    But we've talked about this.
    Either way, I support you.

  3. ConservativeMe- I also went to BYU-I (went being the important word, I only stayed one semester) but It's different if you are living the gospel..... I hope.

    Austin- I know, thanks bro!

  4. I've always had more of a meh attitude when it comes to friends or family finding my blog. I've even left comments in a few places that might have revealed it. On the other hand, people at work (not necessarily co-workers, but management) make me more nervous.

  5. Deeply personal decision. I am out to the most important people in my life, and most people that know me even marginally (other than at work) assume I am gay I am sure. Yet I have, at this point, chosen not to share my blog or my identity publicly on my blog. I'm not certain why, because I'm beyond caring if people know I am gay

    I do disagree with Conservativeme a bit. My experience with other members is that they are (1) ok with it, or (2) just choose to ignore it, mostly that latter. In short, I haven't found that it's a really big deal. For the most part I don't talk about it much one way or another to them and we leave it at that.

    Ok, I'm from California so maybe it doesn't count outside this state.

  6. Personally, I enjoy the anonymity. :)

    There may come a time when I want people to know me and my situation, but for now, I like a blog where I can say anything I want about anyone I want and not feel scared of posting it.

  7. Hmmm... I think our sexuality is sacred and our business, no one else's. I share with those with whom I closely associate and matter in my life. The rest don't need to know.

    Conservativeme, we have an awesome small support group that meets every two weeks, alternating between Rexburg and Idaho Falls. It is a great group of guys that have been amazing support. Let me know if you are interested.

  8. I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. I'm pretty out compared to a lot of MoHo's - my whole family, all my close friends (with 2 or 3 exceptions), some extended family, some people in my parents ward, and even a few random strangers.

    I'm comfortable with my sexuality and don't mind telling people that I'm gay. And if I'm being honest with myself, I should be ok with letting anyone who reads my blog know who I really am so that they know that I'm not ashamed.

    Most of the people that read my blog know me personally, or at least know who I am. And anyone who stumbled onto it and didn't know I was gay could definitely figure it out if they read enough of it.

    So why am I not out on my blog yet? I don't know.

    There is something about the anonymity that I like. When I had another blog (a normal one) I stayed anonymous to protect those I would talk about. I guess it is kind of the same way, but not really. I don't know.

    But, yeah.... I've definitely been thinking about outing myself on my blog. Hmmm....

  9. Be honest with yourself about the reason(s) you might consider doing this. If it's just impulsive and you really can't think of any, then consider the effects on your relationships with others. Be honest again. Would it do those around you any good to know? Would it do you good for them to know?

    I tend to agree with Bravone and out myself on what I consider a need to know basis. I personally don't like those who flaunt their sexuality in front of me, whether gay or straight, I think it's disrespectful of themselves and others. So I try to be restrained myself.

    OTOH, I also agree with Hiddeninthelight. If it comes up in conversation or I get asked, I have no problem saying I'm gay. For me it all depends on the particular circumstances and whether the results of coming out to someone else would be good or bad.

  10. When I used a handle I tended to self-censor and worry about whether or not people would be able to piece together my identity from the details and stories I included. If you're feeling that, using your real name might be just the thing.

    But then, by the time I started using my real name, all the important people in my life knew or were soon to be told, and my blog isn't listed in search results. If there are people you absolutely wouldn't want to be out to in real life, then I'd say it's not worth it.

    Probably the best result of not using a fake name is that I don't write anything I would be ashamed to have attached to my real name.

  11. To me, even if I had a blog that was just about my life and had nothing to do with my sexuality I probably wouldn't completely reveal my identity unless it was an invitation only blog. Too many crazies out there.

    I've kind of gone halfsies. People who know me could pretty easily figure out that it's me and I don't care but I don't put my full name or pictures of myself.

    I say if you feel like you are at the point where you will be able to reasonably handle the different types of reactions that you might get, then go ahead.

  12. Thank you all for your genuine input. I decided to keep my identity a secret. Not because I am ashamed or scared of myself, but because not revealing my identity allows me to speak freely without worry of offense to others.

    If any of you would like to know who I am, feel free to e-mail and ask. I may even show you my facebook profile.... but my facebook is a temple and you may or may not have a recommend! ;)