-This is part 2 in a 3 part series-
Part 2 - Current Friendship
Let me define my definition of a friend. Someone who you confined in. Someone you can call up anytime of day and go meet or talk to. Someone who is always by your side.
As the faithful readers of this blog know, JL is my best friend. I moved away from JL the summer before my junior year of high school. She visited twice and many times through out high school. I took her to my senior prom. She took me to her Sadie Hawkins dance. We talked on the phone at least once every two weeks, if not more before my mission. Now after the mission we talk maybe 3 times a week. JL is a true friend, and I am so thankful for her.
One of my guy friends asked me to be his best man at his wedding, only because his real best man and him got in a huge fight the year before and it doesn't look like they will make up. So I happened to be the next best guy friend.
I still have many acquaintances. I am well known in my ward. I have some good acquaintances at work, but I don't get to socialize much at work. I am the type of person who tends to form bonds quickly with other people.
Here is my problem with forming friendships. I tend to be too critical of people. I tend to see their imperfections or things they do that annoy me (things that everyone does) and decide I can't be their friend because of it.
This is a very bad, and hurtful thing I do. However, I don't judge people because of their traits or voice these annoyances with other people or even with the holders of the traits. I just keep it to myself and tend to stand back. This is probably why I have many acquaintances.
Acquaintances are people who are friendly to you and you are friendly back. People who would be my friend if I were to shed my bad habit of distancing myself from them.
I wonder how many friends I could have if I were to allow myself to stop looking at their imperfections and look at their strengths.
Another thing I do that is hurtful to forming friendships is not wanting to become the annoying person no one wants around. Let me explain this. When I was growing up there was a boy who no one liked, but he kept hanging out with my group. He couldn't take a hint that we didn't like him. Of course we never said out right to take a hike, but Im positive we gave him plenty of hints.
I don't want to become the guy who can't take a hint. So I just don't try with people. I always wait for them to invite me, for them to begin the conversation. I allow them to act upon me instead of acting myself.
Its time to shed my insecurities, which is really what all this boils down to. Being insecure of myself.
The next post will be about future friendships.