July 22, 2009


I had a conversation with my brother coming home from soccer tonight.

FYI I am not out to him.

My brother and I got talking about girls somehow. I have a little bit of attraction to women which makes talking about girls to my brother more comfortable then if I had to lie to him. We got on the subject, AGAIN, about how I haven't kissed a girl since I was 12.

He asked me several questions such as: Does it scare you to kiss a girl? Are you afraid your not a good kisser? Why don't you just find a girl and make out with her?

As I explained to him several time before this, and reminded him again tonight, I don't want to kiss a girl until I know that I like her more than a friend. It has something to do with respecting her and being honest with her.

My brother is a good guy, but thinks that if the girl is OK making out with him, then why not make out. I find that very disrespectful to women.

Then I got thinking....

Do I feel the same way about guys?

In my past I have had my random make out sessions with guys I barley knew. Am I respecting them, or holding myself to the same standard I do for women? NO.

Maybe I use the respect issue with women as a barrier because I really don't want to make out with them. Nevertheless, I should have the decency and respect for men that I have for women. I want to respect men and not just make out with them unless I have true feelings for them.

Does that mean If I met a cutie I wont kiss him, probably not, but I am going to be more respectful to him and to myself, and not give kisses out like pretzels (something I heard in church once lol).


  1. I think you're right. The respect should apply regardless of gender. The Church says "one standard of morality for everyone", right? ;-)

  2. I used to take great pride in how much I respected women and never took advantage of them and never thought unclean thoughts about them. Then it occurred to me that maybe it was because I wasn't attracted to them. I try to apply what I was taught about physical intimacy and respect for the opposite sex to how a act towards the same sex. Pretzels aren't that great anyway. I much prefer pita chips with chipotle hummus and by pita chips and chipotle hummus, I mean physical intimacy with someone with whom I have built a foundation of emotional, intellectual and spiritual intimacy.

  3. I've been married 28 years and I hardly ever kiss my wife. Kissing her across the alter in the temple when we married, in front of other people, was one of the hardest things I've ever done - and was only the second time we kissed.

    I guess my point is that you really just need to do some deep reflection and be honest with yourself regarding the real reason you don't make out with girls. Maybe it is because of respect - or maybe, deep down, it's because you don't like kissing girls. It's OK to not like to kiss girls. Not suggesting it's OK to make out with every boy you see - just that some deep reflection might be in order.

    btw, welcome to the Mormon queerosphere. I've added your blog to my list - so, it's official now :)