June 30, 2009


I love my father. He is wise, and loving and my hero. He is also my stake president, and is spiritual.

Tonight he came into my bedroom to ask how I was doing. I have come to him twice needing to repent of sexual things and porn, and so he is seeing how I am doing with that.

He has been great about it, non judgmental, and very understanding. Tonight he mentioned that he has been thinking lately that in the gospel we always need to be working towards God. We can't stand still. I knew what he meant, but not how he was applying it to me. He said, that I needed to be working on developing my attractions to women.

I have always been able to pick out attractive women, and have had desires to become close with them. There have been a few that I felt I wanted to truly marry. So I continue to ask girls on dates that I find attractive. Recently it seems as the more girls I date the more

I am realizing that I have no emotional attraction to women. With that being said, I have never 'dated' a guy and so I have no clue what that would bring about either.

I told him that I do date girls that I find attractive but right now there are none. Which is the truth. In fact in the past year, I have dated about 7 girls, (some of which only lasted one date). I will not date any girl because I feel like its my duty, or obligation to, and I think he knows that.

I don't post this in revolt against my fathers advice, because I know he is well intentioned and non judgmental in it. I just feel that if I decide to continue to live removed from my gay attractions then I am perfectly fine living single...... I don't think my parents will understand that view though. They, my mom in particular, feel I could develop more attraction to women if I try. I think that it could be possible and could be false, but until I find a woman who I want those attractions for, I'm not going to date around.


  1. Quinn--just saw your blog. You found mine first. I've been in part of the shoes you are in. I got myself addicted to gay porn and can say that I'm much happier when "sober." Whether or not some of the bigger issues fall one way or the other--I know that porn just creates negative energy and distorts my thinking.

    Be careful dating. Be honest. Don't make my mistake. If you see 10 men and 10 women, how many of each are you attracted to?

    Your Dad is probably a great fellow--but he hasn't probably walked a mile in your moccasins. Now what I mean?

  2. lol The good old percentage of my gayness. Right now I'd say 70% Men and 30% Women.

  3. Welcome to the Blogosphere! Hope that you find what you need here.

  4. From a girl's perspective, I would have to say that I would be very unhappy and depressed if someone I married had to convince himself to like me and be attracted to me. Be true to yourself.

  5. Hey Quinn, the Anonymous girl gave some great advice. Be true to yourself. Too often I have confused other people's expectations with what is actually best for me. That's cool that you are moving to Portland, that's where I'm at. Our singles ward covers downtown Portland and there are some moho's in the ward. There used to be more but some have moved. Anyway, you can find an email address for me in my profile. Hit me up if you wanna know more about P town!

  6. Quinn, thanks for posting this. My dad often gives me the same advice and it's very true. Even as I'm currently in a relationship with a guy that I care a great deal for, I personally wouldn't be as happy if I weren't working towards being closer to my Heavenly Father. Some may question that, hey even I do sometimes, but I trust my spiritual connection with my Heavenly Father and so far have felt pretty successful in staying close. Good luck with the move and school man! I look forward to reading more of your blog.