I love my father. He is wise, and loving and my hero. He is also my stake president, and is spiritual.
Tonight he came into my bedroom to ask how I was doing. I have come to him twice needing to repent of sexual things and porn, and so he is seeing how I am doing with that.
He has been great about it, non judgmental, and very understanding. Tonight he mentioned that he has been thinking lately that in the gospel we always need to be working towards God. We can't stand still. I knew what he meant, but not how he was applying it to me. He said, that I needed to be working on developing my attractions to women.
I have always been able to pick out attractive women, and have had desires to become close with them. There have been a few that I felt I wanted to truly marry. So I continue to ask girls on dates that I find attractive. Recently it seems as the more girls I date the more
I am realizing that I have no emotional attraction to women. With that being said, I have never 'dated' a guy and so I have no clue what that would bring about either.
I told him that I do date girls that I find attractive but right now there are none. Which is the truth. In fact in the past year, I have dated about 7 girls, (some of which only lasted one date). I will not date any girl because I feel like its my duty, or obligation to, and I think he knows that.
I don't post this in revolt against my fathers advice, because I know he is well intentioned and non judgmental in it. I just feel that if I decide to continue to live removed from my gay attractions then I am perfectly fine living single...... I don't think my parents will understand that view though. They, my mom in particular, feel I could develop more attraction to women if I try. I think that it could be possible and could be false, but until I find a woman who I want those attractions for, I'm not going to date around.